Thursday, April 30, 2020
Monday, September 10, 2018
"Uh, ok." I said timidly, beginning to pray a prayer that was a little befuddled if you ask me.
I'm not a timid person, and I don't usually get nervous when asked to pray.
In fact my brunch girlfriends always insist that I do it. I don't mind. I love doing so. However tonight when the committee head of our 75th anniversary committee asked me to, I was taken aback.
I hadn't probably attended a meeting in about a month, and in truth I didn't want to attend tonight's. I was moody and not feeling energetic at all.
But knowing that a newsletter would have to go out tomorrow, I knew it was important that I go so that I made sure to find out what needed to go into the newsletter.
A pleasant surprise that came out of the meeting was when I told them I hadn't RSVP'd for the Fall dinner because I didn't have the money. The woman in charge of securing the meeting location and logistics, quickly responded "you're going."
They didn't mind giving me a complimentary ticket at all. I was so embarrassed to have to ask, but as soon as I said I'd been unemployed for a year and just didn't have the money, they quickly made it clear that they wanted me there.
"You've done so much to help the planning." My sister in Christ Susan told me, speaking of the mementos I designed and ordered and the biweekly newsletter that I write and send. She made me feel like I had done more than I felt I had. Admittingly though, there have been times I felt like I was working a regular job, but I've enjoyed it a lot. My ADD has just made me a bit crazy at times having to attend the meetings.
It was good to know that they have truly appreciated me and the time I have put into planning for the church's 75th anniversary. There had been times I've felt many of my ideas have been shut down and that I wasn't appreciated. It's an experience I'm looking forward to seeing the end when we celebrate the anniversary in October at our formal dinner. Just goes to show, when you see things through, God will see you through - obstacles and all.
Sunday, September 9, 2018
So now I have to deal with something I've been fighting with for over a month now. I've been hearing God speak about something I thought about two months ago but abandoned the idea because it was something I just didn't want to do. It would be too painful and I didn't think it would be advantageous at all.
I find myself waking up every day hearing God tell me to begin writing memoirs - something that scares the beJesus out of me. I've thought of it before, but my childhood memories aren't all exactly all happy, so I'd rather not relive painful memories. But God won't stop telling me to do it.
Oddly enough, about two months ago, I read a post about why it's important to write about your life because what may seem uneventful or boring to you may be helpful or even educational to others.
So today I decided to mention the idea to a friend who takes me to church. I told her about some of my childhood experience, and she thought that some of what I mentioned would be great reading - even movie potential. I've heard God say this too, but I find it pretty hard to beleive.
What I do know though is that I would like to say goodbye to much of the painful memories I've been holding inside for over 17 years - scars from high school, heartbreak and even abuse suffered as a pre-teen. So I've decided to surrender, and just do it. Whether it makes it to the bestseller list or a movie screen isn't really important; what is important is that it will allow me to release painful memories from my spirit.
This is especially important right now because I'll be moving half-way across the country to Arizona soon - in the next 3 to 6 months, and before I start this new chapter of my life, which is sure to be an adventure - I want to release my emotional baggage.
I admit I'm afraid of some of the reaction s some will have, and some may not be happy with some of the things I reveal, but they will just have to get over it - just as I will have to. Because as a woman of God, I'm ready to be done with fear and regret and welcome peace and hope back into my life.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Everything was going fine until I decided to close my eyes for 2 seconds – just 2 seconds, but that was enough time to send me sliding off the treadmill, and I landed right on my butt, in front the other 50 or so other people working out in the gym.
Why did I close my eyes? I was watching a news program on one of the gym's huge wide-screen TVs, and the headline on the news program read that Robin Roberts of Good Morning America had been diagnosed with a rare blood disorder.
I was upset by this, knowing that she's already overcome cancer, and felt the need to say a prayer for her. I wanted to say the prayer right then and there because I worried I might forget to do it later. Big mistake! Next time I'll know to hit the pause/stop button before closing my eyes on a moving treadmill. That would be the common sense thing to do, right?
Yes, but the thing is, I’m really good at balancing myself on moving subway trains without holding onto anything, and I can easily walk on a balance beam, so I figured the treadmill would't be much different. I mean, I can do the yoga tree pose standing on one foot for like three minutes! So I didn’t think the treadmill would be that much of a challenge. I was wrong.
I’ll be back in the gym Wednesday for another personal training session, and hopefully – I can pray - my thighs will have stopped burning by then. If not, that's okay, it'll be worth it when I look in the mirror 6-8 weeks from now and see how toned I am. Yeah baby! I'm going to be forty and fabulous and smokin' hot, LOL.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Next thing you know I have the most severe allergy attack I've had in over 17 years since I was diagnosed with asthma. I inhaled my rescue inhaler like it was oxygen for the next day, but then when it got to where I could barely talk, I went to the allergist. That was no picnic either. She proceeded to berate me for not coming in sooner or going to the emergency room, and then said "that's how people die." And then she said I didn't try hard enough to breath into her little machine that tells how bad off my lungs are. Hello? I am 40, not 4. Don't talk to me like a child.
So she puts me on prednisone for 5 days to stop the swelling of my lungs. I get to where I can talk again but am still walking like an 80 year old. After 3 days I'm still coughing, so I call the allergist’s office and she tells me to go to the emergency room. So I unwillingly go and the doctor tells me I have Bronchitis, which unbeknownst to me can be caused by air pollution, which in this case was the pollen. He puts me on antibiotics for 5 days and I go home. I'm on so many medicines - anti-inflammatory pills, antibiotics, Zyrtec, Sudafed and some prescription nose spray, that to say I was a little loopy is an understatement.
Oh, and I forgot the best part, I now have to wear a mask every time I go outside so pollen doesn't get into my lungs. This has been real fun. I've gotten all kinds of fun looks. Here's the thing, I know it's not normal to see someone wearing a surgical mask outside, but people are looking at me like I'm Hannibal Lector. Don't they know what the pollen is doing to people? I guess not. It's a crappy deal, but it's either that, or get swollen lungs again.
So even though I feel better, I still get winded easily and even having my mask off for two minutes to get into a taxi today have my chest feeling tight again. I realize I need more than just medical attention, I need supernatural attention. This morning I texted all my best friends to pray for my healing and am going to call my church to get on the prayer list - because this thing has got to go.
I've seriously thought of moving to Arizona or somewhere where pollen isn't as prevalent. Either that or allergy shots. I'm kind of a holistic type and really hate the thought of shooting toxins in my bloodstream, but I may have to do it. It's either that or hang out with the lizards and the cactuses in Arizona. It may sound extreme to some, but I don't ever want to experience an attack like that again. And if moving to the desert can prevent that, so be it. I'll just have to take a trip and see what the state has to offer. Stay tuned! I'll let you know how it goes!
Monday, February 13, 2012
I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. Not only was Whitney just talented and beautiful, she was larger than life. This was a woman who broke the Beatles record of having more consecutive Number 1 singles in U.S. history. A singer, actress, model, mother, and most importantly, child of God.
Yes, some liked to focus on Whitney's downfalls, rather than her amazing achievements, but the fact that she was a woman of God, should not go unsaid. Yes, she had flaws, but who of us don't?
I chose and still choose to focus on the larger than life Queen of the 80s and 90s that she was. A melodic, angelic singer that used her God-given gift of voice to make the world sound more beautiful. She was Every Woman, and she had more than 'One Moment in Time' and boy did she shine.
I'll be dancing and singing to her music as long as my legs and voice allow me too. May her music and her memory live on forever in our hearts.
Goodbye girlfriend. May Heaven's light shine on your face and the angels sing as they welcome you into the pearly gates.
Rest in peace Whitney.
Friday, December 16, 2011
For example, when I went to work Friday, I was determined not to eat any bad stuff because I wasn’t craving sweets. But then a Harry & David package comes to my office that I have to sign for because my Executive Director is out on maternity leave. So I take the gift basket out of the box and set it on her desk, thinking the staff and I will go through it Monday when we have our staff meeting. But then a co-worker of mine insists that we go ahead and open it.
So I’m thinking, no problem. All I saw was some weird cherries and pears and some peppermint type candy. I’m thinking I’ll have a pear and that will be the end of it. No guilt related eating would take place. But what do you know? We open up the basket and there’s peppermint bark and truffles and caramel popcorn – oh freakin’ my! And it doesn’t stop there.
My co-worker Susan notices the tin that I also put on the ED’s desk. I wasn’t going to open it but she emailed the ED for permission to open the tin, which was granted. So we open it and discover assorted chocolates including chocolate and almond covered toffee. I did not panic about this at first because I had forgotten my toffee addiction that I had in my twenties (I must have eaten a Scor candy bar every week). So I take a bite of the oh-so-buttery toffee and oh-my-gosh – it was like someone poured buttery goodness in my mouth!
I end up eating not two or three of these candies, but five, along with at least three other types of chocolates, one huge piece of peppermint bark dipped in milk chocolate, and oh yeah – a pear. Now I feel like someone poured a pound of cement in my stomach, not chocolaty goodness.
As I begin to wallow in guilt, I also begin thinking hey! It’s okay! This is what adults are supposed to do during the holidays, eat goodies. Kids have toys and we have chocolate, cake and cookies. What’s the harm in that? Especially when I am normally good about eating healthy. I typically eat these types of treats only when they are sitting right in front of me. I don’t buy them for myself. And since I stay away from fast food and don’t eat fried food at home, it’s ok if I stuff myself with holiday goodness.
So I decided that instead of feeling guilty, my new holiday motto will be peace, love and good chocolate for all. God bless us, every one!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
In two days we will all celebrate Thanksgiving. I will also be celebrating my 40th birthday. On the outside, I'm cool and calm. I say things like I'm going to be forty and fabulous, and I will. However, on the inside, I'm beating myself up over the time I wasted in my 20's and some of my 30s doing nonproductive things like clubbing and dating knuckleheads who weren't worthy of me, my time, or my fabulous existence.
So, I'm freaking out a little, but deep inside, I am truly grateful for the blessings in my life. My father may no longer be with me and I lost the love of my life, but I am left with a wonderful mother, great siblings, awesome friends, and amazing nieces and nephews who help keep me sane. They all bring joy to my life, and have been there for me through thick and thin. They are a constant reminder of how blessed I am.
So in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I am sharing with you my gratitude list for 2011. Here are the things I am most thankful for:
- A stable job and freelance clients
- Food to eat
- Warm shelter
- Cable television (without my favorite TV show Psych, life just wouldn’t be the same)
- Sight, hearing and a sane mind (some days the sane mind is arguable)
and last but never least,
- a merciful God who continues to provide for me through the good, the bad and even the ugly (those non-angelic days I sometimes have.)
So on Thursday when you're enjoying your turkey and stuffing, and all the other stuff we stuff in our faces on Thanksgiving, don't just think about the one or two things you have to be thankful for, think of five or more things you’ve been blessed with, because there are others out there who would steal and sometimes kill (read the news) to have what we so often take for granted in this country.
And try to be thankful every day, not just on Thanksgiving. Because God brings blessings year round – not just during the holidays.
Peace and blessings and a very happy Thanksgiving holiday to you.