Waymaker: Finding Peace through Song

So I was on my way to having a pity party today, then I came back across  a song that I’d shared on my Facebook page. I listened to the song again, and in the song, God spoke to my spirit.

I was really ready to give up. I get so tired of not being able to breath like a normal person because of the way that pollen affects my asthma; and I can't seem to eat anything without getting sick due to a digestive disorder that I’ve had since I was a child.

Honestly, it's been hard enough having to deal with the COVID-19 self-quarantine since I'm one of those people considered to have a "compromised immune system" and am more susceptible to the Coronavirus, so I can't even go get myself a cup of coffee from Starbucks, something that always relaxes me.

And I was beginning to hear that voice of fear that comes to kick you when you're down. I was not suicidal, but I was feeling very hopeless.

Then I listened to a version of the the song "Waymaker" sung by a man who's grandmother posted to Facebook him singing the song. I had hear it before, but it affected me differently this time. 

The first time I heard the man sing the song, I was simply in awe of his singing ability.  His voice was like that of an angel.

This time, I was in awe of how God spoke to me through it. This time it gave me incredible hope.

Tears fell down my face, and hope began to spring up in me again.

I know I have a purpose in this life, sometimes I doubt what it could be but I’m sure of one thing, it isn't to give up.

I feel God calling me to share something with the world; I’m pretty sure I know what it is but it’s been so difficult putting it into motion, because emotional scars of the past never really go away. Like physical scars,  they just fade.

I’ve had friends tell me to write a memoir, that my words might help change someone's life; it could provide healing even to those who have also gone through the same trauma, but not yet healed.

And I’ve started writing a memoir; but finishing it a different thing altogether.

But after listening to the words of the song again, I no longer felt compelled to literally crawl into bed and have a pity party. I felt encourage, by the entire song. But these words spoke to me the most:

Way Maker – God can and will find a way to heal my physical pains and get me through the mental hardship that makes finishing my memoir so difficult.

Miracle Worker – I don’t  need to know how God will do it; I just need to trust (and know) that he can.

Promise Keeper – He won’t break his promise to me. I will get it done.

Light in the Darkness – In those moments I want to stop writing, he will get me through them, I just have to call on him. In this instance, I called on him by listening to this song, which felt more like an uplifting sermon. 

I didn’t just listen to the man’s amazing voice, I listened to the words. And as the tears streamed down my face, I felt God say to me: “Stop worrying, you've got this. I’m here for you and I’m not leaving you. Keep pushing through.”

And I will. I will continue to write and work on my memoir, but without prayer, it may years before I finish. It’s already been two years since I started. So keep me in your prayers. Because I can’t do it with my own strength, I can only do it through the strength God puts in me.

Pollen is not My Friend

The last week and a half has been a difficult one for me. I went outside almost two weeks ago to go for a walk. I didn't even make it to the corner before my lungs started to hurt and I had trouble breathing.

Next thing you know I have the most severe allergy attack I've had in over 17 years since I was diagnosed with asthma. I inhaled my rescue inhaler like it was oxygen for the next day, but then when it got to where I could barely talk, I went to the allergist. That was no picnic either. She proceeded to berate me for not coming in sooner or going to the emergency room, and then said "that's how people die." And then she said I didn't try hard enough to breath into her little machine that tells how bad off my lungs are. Hello? I am 40, not 4. Don't talk to me like a child.

So she puts me on prednisone for 5 days to stop the swelling of my lungs. I get to where I can talk again but am still walking like an 80 year old. After 3 days I'm still coughing, so I call the allergist’s office and she tells me to go to the emergency room. So I unwillingly go and the doctor tells me I have Bronchitis, which unbeknownst to me can be caused by air pollution, which in this case was the pollen. He puts me on antibiotics for 5 days and I go home. I'm on so many medicines - anti-inflammatory pills, antibiotics, Zyrtec, Sudafed and some prescription nose spray, that to say I was a little loopy is an understatement.

Oh, and I forgot the best part, I now have to wear a mask every time I go outside so pollen doesn't get into my lungs. This has been real fun. I've gotten all kinds of fun looks. Here's the thing, I know it's not normal to see someone wearing a surgical mask outside, but people are looking at me like I'm Hannibal Lector. Don't they know what the pollen is doing to people? I guess not. It's a crappy deal, but it's either that, or get swollen lungs again.

So even though I feel better, I still get winded easily and even having my mask off for two minutes to get into a taxi today have my chest feeling tight again. I realize I need more than just medical attention, I need supernatural attention. This morning I texted all my best friends to pray for my healing and am going to call my church to get on the prayer list - because this thing has got to go.

I've seriously thought of moving to Arizona or somewhere where pollen isn't as prevalent. Either that or allergy shots. I'm kind of a holistic type and really hate the thought of shooting toxins in my bloodstream, but I may have to do it. It's either that or hang out with the lizards and the cactuses in Arizona. It may sound extreme to some, but I don't ever want to experience an attack like that again. And if moving to the desert can prevent that, so be it. I'll just have to take a trip and see what the state has to offer. Stay tuned! I'll let you know how it goes!