Sure, I can do that!

"April, would you lead us in prayer to close the meeting?"
"Uh, ok." I said timidly, beginning to pray a prayer that was a little befuddled if you ask me.
I'm not a timid person, and I don't usually get nervous when asked to pray.

In fact my brunch girlfriends always insist that I do it. I don't mind. I love doing so. However tonight when the committee head of our 75th anniversary committee asked me to, I was taken aback.

I hadn't probably attended a meeting in about a month, and in truth I didn't want to attend tonight's. I was moody and not feeling energetic at all.

But knowing that a newsletter would have to go out tomorrow, I knew it was important that I go so that I made sure to find out what needed to go into the newsletter.

A pleasant surprise that came out of the meeting was when I told them I hadn't RSVP'd for the Fall dinner because I didn't have the money. The woman in charge of securing the meeting location and logistics, quickly responded "you're going."

They didn't mind giving me a complimentary ticket at all. I was so embarrassed to have to ask, but as soon as I said I'd been unemployed for a year and just didn't have the money, they quickly made it clear that they wanted me there.

"You've done so much to help the planning." My sister in Christ Susan told me, speaking of the mementos I designed and ordered and the biweekly newsletter that I write and send. She made me feel like I had done more than I felt I had. Admittingly though, there have been times I felt like I was working a regular job, but I've enjoyed it a lot. My ADD has just made me a bit crazy at times having to attend the meetings.

It was good to know that they have truly appreciated me and the time I have put into planning for the church's 75th anniversary.  There had been times I've felt many of my ideas have been shut down and that I wasn't appreciated. It's an experience I'm looking forward to seeing the end when we celebrate the anniversary in October at our formal dinner. Just goes to show, when you see things through, God will see you through  - obstacles and all.

When God Speaks, Listen

I've been unemployed for over a year now. It's been a hella difficult year, and at times I have tried to understand why God has me going through this valley. I've been unemployed before, but never for this long and it's taken it's toll. After having a friend for church pray with me last Sunday, and dealing with the death of a family friend who's funeral I attended this past week, I feel like I'm about to come unhinged. But fortunately God sent a long lost friend to me yesterday to remind me that He hasn't left me and that I'm not alone.

So now I have to deal with something I've been fighting with for over a month now. I've been hearing God speak about something I thought about two months ago but abandoned the idea because it was something I just didn't want to do. It would be too painful and I didn't think it would be advantageous at all.

I find myself waking up every day hearing God tell me to begin writing  memoirs - something that scares the beJesus out of me. I've thought of it before, but my childhood memories aren't all exactly all happy, so I'd rather not relive painful memories. But God won't stop telling me to do it.

Oddly enough, about two months ago, I read a post about why it's important to write about your life because what may seem uneventful or boring to you may be helpful or even educational to others.

So today I decided to mention the idea to a friend who takes me to church. I told her about some of my childhood experience, and she thought that some of what I mentioned would be great reading -  even movie potential. I've heard God say this too, but I find it pretty hard to beleive.

What I do know though is that I would like to say goodbye to much of the painful memories I've been holding inside for over 17 years - scars from high school, heartbreak and even abuse suffered as a pre-teen. So I've decided to surrender, and just do it. Whether it makes it to the bestseller list or a movie screen isn't really important; what is important is that it will allow me to release painful memories from my spirit.

This is especially important right now because I'll be moving half-way across the country to Arizona soon - in the next 3 to 6 months, and before I start this new chapter of my life, which is sure to be an adventure - I want to release my emotional  baggage.

I admit I'm afraid of some of the reaction s some will have, and some may not be happy with some of the things I reveal, but they will just have to get over it - just as I will have to. Because as a woman of God, I'm ready to be done with fear and regret and welcome peace and hope back into my life.