Life After Surgery

Getting ready for church Sunday I tried on three different pairs of pants because surprisingly, pants I couldn’t get into comfortably four weeks ago are now slouching on me. I wanna give myself a high five I’m so happy! It really feels good to see that hard work does pay off! I’ve been eating better and doing a lot of exercising and I'm happy to say that I don’t just look better, I feel better, and stronger!

The best thing about my recuperation has been being able to exercise regularly without pain, and without having to take a three hour nap after 30 measly minutes of exercise. That was life before the surgery. I’m still unable to pick up my two year-old nephew without having pain that requires taking two Advil. He’s only two years old, but about 40 pounds, and guess lifting heavy things is the only regular thing I’m not able to do yet. But, it’s only been two months since the surgery and the doctors said it may take up to six months for the fibroids to completely shrink. So that means not lifting anything heavy for now, including my adorable nephew, for another four more months.

Before what I like to call “fibroid hell” began, I always took my health, stamina, and quite frankly, my uterus for granted. Had I known this was going to happen, I would have tried harder to find a husband and have some little rascals of my own! But I've made peace with the fact that I may not ever have children. I've always been open to adoption, and as a person of faith, I believe that if it's in God's plan for me to have children, I'll have them. And if it's not in the plan, I'll still have more than 10 beautiful nieces and nephews that bring me a lot of joy.

Having the surgery, being close to turning 40, and especially losing my father last year has reminded me that I really can't take life for granted, and to make the best of every moment. In our crazy busy, always on-the-move lives, we too often forget that we don't have forever to make an impact in this world, and I want to make my mark. I intend to make the best of my time while I'm here, and I'm starting today.

Waiting for My Destiny

Last Friday as I sat at the bar of my neighborhood Mexican restaurant Los Tios, waiting to pick up the chicken quesadilla I ordered, I couldn't help but notice all the groups of people, mostly families and young couples with kids enjoying themselves. It made me feel as though I should be doing something more than eating takeout alone on a Friday night. Then I got to thinking, wait a minute! I'm a 36, not 26, and clubbing or doing something else wild on a Friday night isn't really what I need to be doing anyway. Unlike when I was 26, I am striving toward a specific goal, to get two of my children's books published by this coming October and to hopefully sell a ton of them during the holiday season. To accomplish this, I don't need to be partying; I need to, even on a Friday night, keep working toward that goal doing market research and anything else that will help me get to that goal. My life has been pretty good, but I want more out of it than what I've been given - a lot more. I've realized that I've got to stop expecting my life to be like that of those colleagues and friends who are social workers, teachers, nonprofit managers and such, because unlike them, once I am published, my daily life will be nothing like theirs. I would like what I consider a "normal" life but I have to face the fact that my career aspirations aren’t "normal" therefore my journey getting there won't be like everyone else's. I've been temping for a little over a year now, and I'm really tired of it. REALLY tired of it. But I have to work to pay the bills, and if I decide to self-publish my book I have to work to save enough money to do it. There is a chance that I may get a publisher, I think my stories are good enough to get a major publisher, but I’m not going to count on that. I’ve read too many stories of people getting 20 or more rejections before getting a publisher, and I’m not willing to wait that long when I can do it myself in a matter of months. I know that the success I seek is going to happen for me, everyone keeps telling me that my writing is great, but it just seems so far away. But if the old adage, "a good thing is worth waiting for" is true, I must be on my way to something REALLY good. I haven't lost faith, just patience, which has always been a challenge for me. But I guess if Toni Morrison waited until she was 39 before she won her Pulitzer, I can wait another year or two, or three, or even four, to become a best selling millionaire. But damn it if I'm not raking in the dough at age 39 in four years, I'm going to try out for the Rockettes, which was the dream I had at 16, and maybe I'll make history and become the first 40-year old Rockette. I did win a sexy legs contest once, it could happen! I mean, you gotta have a back up plan right? But just in case the Rockette thing doesn't work out either, I'll make sure I have a second backup plan that includes a real career like teaching or something, because I wouldn't want to end up in the loony bin, which is where I would probably end up, trying to be a Rockette at 40 years old. So for now, I'll try not to jump out of the 10 story building I'm temping in and just be thankful I've got work - no matter how mind numbing it may be. I promise that you won’t hear about me on the evening news, my patience isn’t up yet. I do however plan to be on the evening news one day, but in a very positive way - after I've sold a ton of books! It’s going to happen, I’m just in a bit of a rut right now, but some way, some how I’m going to make it happen . Just you wait! I know God wouldn't put the desire in me to do it if he didn't want it for me. Knowing that is what keeps me going, and what makes me know without a doubt this is what I am meant to do.