This past Saturday I took a Krav Maga self-defense workshop after seeing an ad in The Washington Citypaper for a free workshop. If you aren’t familiar with the technique, the KravMagaDC.com website describes it as “the self-defense and fighting system of the Israeli Defense Forces ... based on instinctive movements that are quickly learned and easily remembered." If you've ever watched NCIS and seen Cote de Pablo's character Ziva David kick ass, you have a good idea of what the technique is like.
It's been over 10 years since I took a self defense class, so I was nervous going in, but my nerves subsided a little when I got to the studio and saw that there were more women waiting to take the class than there was men, many of which looked as nervous as I felt. The workshop consisted of about six drills, that I did with my partner Bob.
The first drill was relatively easy, so I was feeling pretty confident, but then came a drill that required Bob and I practice punches with a large pad called a tombstone, which we held at our chests while the other punched as hard as they could. The impact of Bob's punches at first knocked me off balance. But once an instructor showed me how to hold the tombstone to gain better control, the impact of the punches weren't so bad. I got through the rest of the drills without having to use my asthma inhaler and I realized that I had a lot more endurance than I thought.
Along with my newfound confidence I learned two really important things. The first was how to hold my head while blocking punches. I was told to keep my head down, not up, in order to avoid getting my eyes or nose hit. The second thing was how to grab someone’s shoulders when trying to hit them in the groin. I instinctively wanted to put one hand on each of my partners shoulders, but learned that it's better to put two hands on an attacker's shoulder, then kick.
What I liked most was that the things I learned actually made sense and didn't feel unnatural, unlike some of the dance moves I learned in my dance classes in college. I also liked that the instructors would come over and tell me what I was doing well, in addition to telling me what I needed to improve on.
I came out of the class feeling empowered, like I could do anything! While that was probably the endorphins kicking in, I still signed up for two more classes, the first of which I will take this Thursday. I'm still nervous about if this is something I can do well, but the only way to know is to do it, so I'm just going to give it my best shot.
I'm reminded of how a good friend who I was just getting to know at the time once told a fellow church member who wanted someone to do AIDS prevention outreach to "get April to do it. She's not afraid of anything." I remember looking at her wanting to say "Are you smoking crack? I'm afraid of EVERYTHING. I just do it anyway."
So that's what I'm doing with this Krav Maga thing. I'm scared that I might fail at it, but I'm going to do it anyway. If I fall down, I fall down. And then I'll just get back up, and in the words of Tupac Shakur I'll "stand tall and come back for more."
Monday, March 21, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Nothing Like Häagen-Dazs and a Paid Gig
Just when I was about to get REALLY down about being broke and not being able to pay all my bills this month, I get a call from a family friend who told me that he needs his resume revised and that he's got co-workers who will also need their resumes edited that he will refer to me. All I can say is PRAISE THE LORD!
I've been keeping busy lately by writing proposals for contracting work with a colleague, and we actually just got a pro bono gig for a 10th anniversary 9/11 campaign, but there's nothing like having paid work to keep your spirits up.
So I think I'm going to celebrate tomorrow by going and getting some Häagen-Dazs Swiss Vanilla Almond ice cream. I don't eat it often because while it's pure heaven, it's also pure fat. And just so the pure heaven fat doesn't seep down into my thighs, I'm gonna take a nice long walk afterwards.
Normally I'd complain about having to take time to work off calories, but not so much now. It was only just a month and a half ago that I couldn't even walk 3 blocks without feeling pain. So, not only will I be thankful for my upcoming freelance work, and the yummy ice cream I'll eat to reward myself, I'm going to be pretty happy that I have the ability to walk a mile or more without enduring unending pain. Who would have thought ice cream could provide such clarity? Looks like Häagen-Dazs isn't so bad for me after all! Who would've known?
I've been keeping busy lately by writing proposals for contracting work with a colleague, and we actually just got a pro bono gig for a 10th anniversary 9/11 campaign, but there's nothing like having paid work to keep your spirits up.
So I think I'm going to celebrate tomorrow by going and getting some Häagen-Dazs Swiss Vanilla Almond ice cream. I don't eat it often because while it's pure heaven, it's also pure fat. And just so the pure heaven fat doesn't seep down into my thighs, I'm gonna take a nice long walk afterwards.
Normally I'd complain about having to take time to work off calories, but not so much now. It was only just a month and a half ago that I couldn't even walk 3 blocks without feeling pain. So, not only will I be thankful for my upcoming freelance work, and the yummy ice cream I'll eat to reward myself, I'm going to be pretty happy that I have the ability to walk a mile or more without enduring unending pain. Who would have thought ice cream could provide such clarity? Looks like Häagen-Dazs isn't so bad for me after all! Who would've known?
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Healing from Loss
When someone you love dies, the sadness consumes you. Nothing can prepare you for the pain and for a while, nothing can comfort you. Fortunately, the pain does eventually stop paralyzing you and life begins again. Monday marks a year since my father died, and I can honestly say that I'm doing much better than a year ago. However I woke up this morning at 6:33 am, about two hours earlier than I usually do on a Saturday, and all I could do is think about my father and how I miss him.
Losing my father, felt like I had just entered the Twilight Zone. Because someone I had loved for over 35 years, who took care of me and protected me my entire life, was gone, and wasn't coming back. I did a lot of sleeping after he passed, because when I slept, I didn't feel any pain. Sometimes I still feel like I'm living in an alternate reality. Like he's stuck somewhere between the planets and I'm stuck here, without him.
The first three months were the worst. I didn't want to talk to anyone, and I didn't want anyone to talk to me. I was consumed by pain, and then anger. I was angry that people expected me to go on with life as usual. And while I knew it was meant to comfort me, I would get more angry when people told me "it's okay, he's with God." While I believed that he was with God, things certainly were not okay. My father was gone, and I was in so much pain, sometimes I felt like I was dying. Eventually though, I realized that I did have to move on with my life. It’s easier said than done, but fortunately for me, God stepped in and pulled me out of my sadness.
After having a meltdown at work a month prior, I was riding the subway to work one day, reading the Sophie Kinsella book "Remember Me?" It had been my only escape from the pain but I had never really laughed while reading it until that day. I was on the part of the book where the main character is finally comfortable enough to have sex with the husband she doesn't remember. Until he asks her a very awkward, robotic question. The scene was so hysterical that I literally belted laughter out loud, and couldn't stop laughing. If I had been drinking something, I would have spit out the drink and possibly had some come through my nose. For the first time in months, I actually felt joy.
It was at that moment of joy that I heard God's voice. I heard him say "this is the April I know and love. Funny and full of life. This is the way you have to be again." I remember feeling emotional, but still happy, realizing that my father would speak the same words to me if he were here. It was then that I knew I had to let the pain go, stop mourning his life, and start living mine again.
Now when I feel like crying, sometimes I do, but sometimes instead, I reminisce about how fun he was to be around. He had a ton of crazy expressions that always made me laugh. For instance, he would refer to people as "jokers" and call money "duckets" instead of cash, like normal people. Or he would say that he'd "be back in a few shakes" when he would go out. I sometimes find myself using these same phrases and laugh out loud, and it turns my sadness to joy. Joy knowing that I was blessed to have a father with such an animated and entertaining spirit.
So while this upcoming Monday marks a year since he’s been gone, I choose to celebrate his life, rather than mourn it. I know my father would want for me to be happy and go on with my life. And while my life sometimes feels very empty without him, it’s the only life I have, and I’ve got to keep pushing on. As an adult, I’ve come to learn that those things in life that are the hardest for us to do, usually are the things we need to do most. They are painful, and sometimes take all the strength we have, but they are the decisions that make life easier in the long run. They help us to move on to live the life we are meant to live. It’s not easy, but God never said this life would be easy; he did however say that he would never leave us; and that’s something I can definitely live with.
Losing my father, felt like I had just entered the Twilight Zone. Because someone I had loved for over 35 years, who took care of me and protected me my entire life, was gone, and wasn't coming back. I did a lot of sleeping after he passed, because when I slept, I didn't feel any pain. Sometimes I still feel like I'm living in an alternate reality. Like he's stuck somewhere between the planets and I'm stuck here, without him.
The first three months were the worst. I didn't want to talk to anyone, and I didn't want anyone to talk to me. I was consumed by pain, and then anger. I was angry that people expected me to go on with life as usual. And while I knew it was meant to comfort me, I would get more angry when people told me "it's okay, he's with God." While I believed that he was with God, things certainly were not okay. My father was gone, and I was in so much pain, sometimes I felt like I was dying. Eventually though, I realized that I did have to move on with my life. It’s easier said than done, but fortunately for me, God stepped in and pulled me out of my sadness.
After having a meltdown at work a month prior, I was riding the subway to work one day, reading the Sophie Kinsella book "Remember Me?" It had been my only escape from the pain but I had never really laughed while reading it until that day. I was on the part of the book where the main character is finally comfortable enough to have sex with the husband she doesn't remember. Until he asks her a very awkward, robotic question. The scene was so hysterical that I literally belted laughter out loud, and couldn't stop laughing. If I had been drinking something, I would have spit out the drink and possibly had some come through my nose. For the first time in months, I actually felt joy.
It was at that moment of joy that I heard God's voice. I heard him say "this is the April I know and love. Funny and full of life. This is the way you have to be again." I remember feeling emotional, but still happy, realizing that my father would speak the same words to me if he were here. It was then that I knew I had to let the pain go, stop mourning his life, and start living mine again.
Now when I feel like crying, sometimes I do, but sometimes instead, I reminisce about how fun he was to be around. He had a ton of crazy expressions that always made me laugh. For instance, he would refer to people as "jokers" and call money "duckets" instead of cash, like normal people. Or he would say that he'd "be back in a few shakes" when he would go out. I sometimes find myself using these same phrases and laugh out loud, and it turns my sadness to joy. Joy knowing that I was blessed to have a father with such an animated and entertaining spirit.
So while this upcoming Monday marks a year since he’s been gone, I choose to celebrate his life, rather than mourn it. I know my father would want for me to be happy and go on with my life. And while my life sometimes feels very empty without him, it’s the only life I have, and I’ve got to keep pushing on. As an adult, I’ve come to learn that those things in life that are the hardest for us to do, usually are the things we need to do most. They are painful, and sometimes take all the strength we have, but they are the decisions that make life easier in the long run. They help us to move on to live the life we are meant to live. It’s not easy, but God never said this life would be easy; he did however say that he would never leave us; and that’s something I can definitely live with.
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